Divorced or Single?

I was recently reading a debate about whether to refer to yourself as single or divorced once the divorce has gone through.

Is it a stigma to be divorced nowdays? I don't think so.

Does calling yourself divorced say to the world 'My marriage failed' or does it say 'I wasn't left on the shelf - somebody wanted me'? Alternatively does saying you are single imply that you have never been married - that you have never found anyone who wants to marry you or that you have never found anyone that you want to marry? Are you fussy or unloveable?

I would say - does it matter what everyone else thinks as long as you are comfortable with who and what you are?

New Horizons Divorce Coaching

Are you –

· Newly separated/divorced/widowed and wondering ‘now what’?
· Used to being part of a couple and can’t adjust to being single again?
· Lacking confidence?
· Having negative or bitter feelings towards your ex?
· Ready to move on but not sure where to start?

As your Divorce Coach I will be dedicated to helping you to reinvent your life after your divorce. I will never judge you or criticise you but will support you in unlocking your potential and taking action to make your life more fulfilling.

I have been divorced once and widowed once so I understand the emotions associated with being on your own after being in a long-term relationship. I have had to reinvent my life on two occasions and am proof that it can be done. I am now self-employed, with a job that I love. I am also married again, very happily.

After your divorce

So the divorce is final and your ex is never coming back. Your friends are telling you that ‘it’s time to make a new life’ and ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ but how do you go about starting again when you’ve been part of a couple for so long?

This is where working with a Divorce Coach can be so helpful. A Divorce Coach will encourage and support you to make changes to your life so that you can start enjoying life as a single person.

There are any number of things you can do - you don’t need to go looking for a new fish to enjoy life as a single person. Instead make the most of the opportunity to take up new hobbies and interests. Your Coach can explore all the options with you but you will be the one responsible for making all the decisions and therefore you will be the one in charge of your new life.

Reverting to your maiden name after divorce

Upon divorce, many women want to revert to their maiden name. This can be accomplished in one of two ways:

by Deed Poll, or
by using their decree absolute and marriage certificate

It is sometimes possible for a divorced woman to revert to her maiden name without the need for a Deed Poll if her decree absolute certificate and marriage certificate (which shows her maiden name) are accepted as documentary evidence of her change of name. Upon presentation of these certificates most government departments and many companies and organisations will change their records to show the woman's maiden name. However, many companies and organisations will not accept a decree absolute, in particular the financial institutions such as banks and building societies. Please note, your marriage certificate may not need to be produced to government departments, companies and organisations that knew you before you were married - because they should still have your maiden name on file.

If your decree absolute and marriage certificate are not accepted as documentary evidence, then a Deed Poll will be required to change your name. With a Deed Poll, everyone will recognise your change of name without question. Of course, should you wish to change to a new name entirely or also make any alterations to your first or middle names, a Deed Poll will always be required. Changing your name by Deed Poll is quick and simple and you can read a summary of the Deed Poll process by going to www.ukdps.co.uk/HowToApply.html

Remember, when changing your name by Deed Poll, you can also take the opportunity to make other changes to your name. For example, you may wish to change your first name or add, change or remove middle names.

If you have children, you may also wish to change their surname by Deed Poll to your new surname or to a double-barrelled surname (your surname together with your ex-husband's surname). However, to change a child's name, the consent of everyone with parental responsibility is required. If your ex-husband is your children's father, then he will have parental responsibility and his consent will be required for any name change. For further information about parental responsibility and consent requirements go to http://www.ukdps.co.uk/.

With regard to your title, it is up to you whether you continue using Mrs or change your title to Miss or Ms. If you wish to change your title when you change your name, you will see a section on the Deed Poll application form where you can say what new title you want it can be incorporated in a declaration on your Deed Poll that changes your title.

If you are currently separated and contemplating divorce or are in the process of getting divorced, please go to http://www.ukdps.co.uk/ to research your rights upon separation.

Obtaining a copy of your decree absolute
If you have lost your decree absolute (and you were divorced in England or Wales), contact the Principal Registry of the Family Division, Decree Absolute Section, First Avenue House, 42-49 High Holborn, London, WC1V 6NP (Tel: 020 7947 7017). For a fee, they will access a union index to the registered court copies of decrees absolute for you, and either provide a certified copy of the information themselves (if the divorce was granted by the Supreme Court) or arrange for a certified copy to be sent to you from the relevant county court. If the divorce took place within the last 5 years, you can also contact the county court where it took
place for a cheaper service.

Obtaining a copy of your marriage certificate
You can obtain a certified copy of your marriage certificate by calling the General Register Office for England and Wales on 0845 6037788 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm Saturday.

Work mad Brits leave no time for their other half

Millions of Britons spend less than 6 hours a week enjoying time with their loved ones.The Life Balance survey, commissioned by Imodium, to find out whether Britons enjoy balanced lives found that 97 per cent of Brits are living their lives out of kilter, with just 3 per cent achieving satisfactory life balance ratings.The findings are based on a formula created by psychologist Dr David Lewis. He said: “The survey revealed that almost a third of respondents claimed to experience high levels of stress at least once a week, therefore increasing their chances of experiencing stress-related health problems such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome or diarrhoea.”"Neglecting relationships is one of the factors most damaging to a healthy life balance. 15 per cent of those questioned in the survey (approximately 7 million people in the UK) said they spent between zero and six hours each week on relationships with their partner –a pitifully small amount of time compared to the hours we spend commuting and at work."The research also profiled Brits according to how much their life was out of balance revealing that many of us are work hardened ‘Aggressors’ spending much of our lives at work, and sacrificing time with those we love.Only one in five 25-34 year olds spends more than 24 hours per week on their relationship with their partner, with a quarter of people aged 55 and over spending less than six hours per week. Conversely, the survey showed that 10 per cent of Brits spends more than 60 hours per week at work.Dr Lewis continued: "The research shows that people in the UK desperately need to take steps to improve their life balance. Simple steps include upping the amount of exercise taken each week to 2.5 hours, eating five portions of fruit and vegetables each day and simply making time to relax with friends and family. The feeling that work is all there is seems to be unique to the UK and it must change if we are to maintain good health into later life."The nationwide Life Balance survey was commissioned as part the Imodium Balance Your Life campaign to help people lead more balanced lives.

Anniversary Blog

I always advise my clients to 'count their blessings' and I wanted to share my biggest blessing with you today, my 8th wedding anniversary.

David is my 3rd husband and is, quite simply, the best thing that has ever happened to me. We are blissfully happy and, in David, I have found my soul mate.

I just wanted to share this with you to show that there is life after divorce and, in my case at least, it is an even better one.