Divorce is stressful. There is the stress of the unknown – Will you have to sell the house? How will you cope alone? How will you manage financially? Will you be able to come to amicable arrangements about the children? Your emotions are all over the place and you are having to deal with the practical stuff too.
If it was your decision to leave you wonder if you’ve done the right thing? If you’re the one who has been left you wonder what went wrong. Remember the one who has left has had longer to prepare and will be further forward emotionally – If you are the one who made the decision then allow your ex time to catch up with you. If the divorce has come as a shock to you then allow yourself time to come to terms with what’s happened.
One of the biggest worries about divorce is how you will cope financially. Splitting up usually means less money for both parties. So you need to learn how to live on a smaller budget, to ‘cut your cloth’ accordingly. I know it sounds awful, especially if you’ve been used to not worrying about money. But look on the bright side – it’s true what they say about money not making you happy.
It’s amazing what can give you pleasure in life – but you have to learn to become more aware, more receptive to what is good about your life. I bet, if you put your mind to it, you can find plenty of things to be grateful for.
Worrying about your financial situation won’t help. You need to take control by finding out the facts and moving forward with the divorce. Find a good solicitor, research what your rights are and make sure you get your ‘fair share’. Don’t let your ex walk all over you because they are more knowledgeable than you are or you think that because they loved you once they will play fair. Take action and make sure you are focussed and in control.
Take the first step and buy my e-book 'Managing Money through Divorce'
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
The Importance of Encouragement
With thanks to Rachel Green - http://www.rachelgreen.com
Why is it that we don’t affirm people in what they’re doing? Why is it we stand back from giving words of encouragement yet are so quick and ready to criticise? Why is it that we wait until it is too late to tell people we love them, admire them or appreciate them? Why do we not make every day encouragement day? Does it matter? Absolutely yes. When people feel valued, appreciated and acknowledged they are far more likely to maintain their motivation, confidence and willingness to work hard. They will put in a greater effort into a relationship. They will be more emotionally resilient in tough times. If you want more love give more encouragement. The advantages of providing encouragement are many and far reaching. How can you express your appreciation of people, their work, their friendship, their abilities or whatever it is that you value in them? Read on to the tips section to find out. It could revolutionise your relationships and boost your own satisfaction with life.
The TOP TIPS: How to provide encouragement.
Tip 1: Be specific.
Coming up to me after I’ve given a speech and saying “Wonderful speech, thank you” is nice. However, it isn’t informative. In contrast, if you say something like, “Your tip on how to keep your cool when your teenagers are being rude was so helpful, I’m going home to use it,” will be far more delightful. Why? Because the detail shows me that you mean it. The specificity allows me to know exactly what has helped. Thus, I am encouraged to use this tip when preparing future speeches. Finally, I feel heard. I have been told exactly what has been understood and taken away from my speech. This means I know that I have got my message across. And that is what matters to me. It doesn’t matter half so much whether I had a pretty dress on, or whether I was “wonderful”. What matters to me is whether I’ve done something valuable and inspired people to change what they’re doing. Specific feedback is much more believable and useful than a general statement. Give specific encouragement.
Tip 2. Say how a person is different.
I remember a time when one of my close friends and I were discussing our relationship, which had gone on for a long time. He said to me, “Do you know what I really appreciate about you, it’s the fact that you have your own starter motor. You’ll take the initiative. I don’t need to sit at home wondering whether you need me, I know you’ll phone and tell me. I really like that about you, it’s different from other people I know, who somehow expect me to mind read them”. I had no idea I did this, nor that it mattered. I also had failed to appreciate prior to this that this was something specific and special about me. Doesn’t everyone do this? I’d just taken it for granted. When you tell a person how they stand out from the crowd it can be very affirming and encouraging. It is also educational and helpful in a person’s self development. We all have our blind spots and need others to help fill them in for us. Simple encouragement can do this.
Tip 3. Be generous in giving words of encouragement.
How often do you tell your partner, your children, your boss, your mother, your assistant, what you appreciate about them? Is it once a year on your wedding anniversary or at a performance review, or on a monthly or daily basis? Regularly encourage, appreciate and value the people in your life. Don’t wait for a disaster, crisis or anniversary before you do. Develop an attitude of gratitude towards the people around you and share it with them. When you do, everyone benefits. You’ll feel good and so will they.
Tip 4. Spend time noting what you appreciate.
It’s so easy to find fault in people and yet this can be of little value to you or others. All it does is develop a negative mind set in yourself, and negativity and a lack of self-confidence in others. When you look for the good things in people and tell them what you appreciate, then you are helping yourself as well as them. Why? Because your own mind starts to find and value the good things in people and your life. And this is where happiness lies. Happiness is to be found in appreciation for what we have, not in what’s missing. By concentrating on what is good about the people we live, work and associate with, we are building happier relationships, stronger friendships and higher levels of trust.
Have you told the people in your life what you appreciate about them? If not, do it today. Tomorrow may never come.
Why is it that we don’t affirm people in what they’re doing? Why is it we stand back from giving words of encouragement yet are so quick and ready to criticise? Why is it that we wait until it is too late to tell people we love them, admire them or appreciate them? Why do we not make every day encouragement day? Does it matter? Absolutely yes. When people feel valued, appreciated and acknowledged they are far more likely to maintain their motivation, confidence and willingness to work hard. They will put in a greater effort into a relationship. They will be more emotionally resilient in tough times. If you want more love give more encouragement. The advantages of providing encouragement are many and far reaching. How can you express your appreciation of people, their work, their friendship, their abilities or whatever it is that you value in them? Read on to the tips section to find out. It could revolutionise your relationships and boost your own satisfaction with life.
The TOP TIPS: How to provide encouragement.
Tip 1: Be specific.
Coming up to me after I’ve given a speech and saying “Wonderful speech, thank you” is nice. However, it isn’t informative. In contrast, if you say something like, “Your tip on how to keep your cool when your teenagers are being rude was so helpful, I’m going home to use it,” will be far more delightful. Why? Because the detail shows me that you mean it. The specificity allows me to know exactly what has helped. Thus, I am encouraged to use this tip when preparing future speeches. Finally, I feel heard. I have been told exactly what has been understood and taken away from my speech. This means I know that I have got my message across. And that is what matters to me. It doesn’t matter half so much whether I had a pretty dress on, or whether I was “wonderful”. What matters to me is whether I’ve done something valuable and inspired people to change what they’re doing. Specific feedback is much more believable and useful than a general statement. Give specific encouragement.
Tip 2. Say how a person is different.
I remember a time when one of my close friends and I were discussing our relationship, which had gone on for a long time. He said to me, “Do you know what I really appreciate about you, it’s the fact that you have your own starter motor. You’ll take the initiative. I don’t need to sit at home wondering whether you need me, I know you’ll phone and tell me. I really like that about you, it’s different from other people I know, who somehow expect me to mind read them”. I had no idea I did this, nor that it mattered. I also had failed to appreciate prior to this that this was something specific and special about me. Doesn’t everyone do this? I’d just taken it for granted. When you tell a person how they stand out from the crowd it can be very affirming and encouraging. It is also educational and helpful in a person’s self development. We all have our blind spots and need others to help fill them in for us. Simple encouragement can do this.
Tip 3. Be generous in giving words of encouragement.
How often do you tell your partner, your children, your boss, your mother, your assistant, what you appreciate about them? Is it once a year on your wedding anniversary or at a performance review, or on a monthly or daily basis? Regularly encourage, appreciate and value the people in your life. Don’t wait for a disaster, crisis or anniversary before you do. Develop an attitude of gratitude towards the people around you and share it with them. When you do, everyone benefits. You’ll feel good and so will they.
Tip 4. Spend time noting what you appreciate.
It’s so easy to find fault in people and yet this can be of little value to you or others. All it does is develop a negative mind set in yourself, and negativity and a lack of self-confidence in others. When you look for the good things in people and tell them what you appreciate, then you are helping yourself as well as them. Why? Because your own mind starts to find and value the good things in people and your life. And this is where happiness lies. Happiness is to be found in appreciation for what we have, not in what’s missing. By concentrating on what is good about the people we live, work and associate with, we are building happier relationships, stronger friendships and higher levels of trust.
Have you told the people in your life what you appreciate about them? If not, do it today. Tomorrow may never come.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Busy Divorce Coach
I’ve been so busy recently that I haven’t been writing any articles so I’m sorry that my blog has been a bit sparse.
Just to let you know what I’ve been up to:
I’ve been organising two teleseminars. The first one is with Claudette Chenevert, Stepfamily Relationship Coach about the importance of dealing with all the issues arising from your divorce and how it can impact on future relationships if you don’t. We’re doing this on 11 March 2009. Details at http://tiny.cc/iVNiH The second one will be with Sharon Vickery, founder of ‘Have Fun Finding the One’ and we will be discussing dating after divorce. We haven’t set the date yet but it should be taking place in April.
I’ve written two e-books (‘Managing Money through Divorce, which is for sale on my website and ‘Life after Divorce – Are you Ready to Date again?’ as a thank you for people who join my teleseminars).
I’ve also started writing an e-course about recovering from divorce, which I anticipate releasing in May.
As well as all this I’ve been networking – meeting lots of interesting people and forming alliances and, of course, working with my lovely clients to help them to recover from divorce.
I promise I’ll be writing again soon. In the meantime I’ll post anything I think is interesting from other people. Please feel free to post any questions – I will respond.
Just to let you know what I’ve been up to:
I’ve been organising two teleseminars. The first one is with Claudette Chenevert, Stepfamily Relationship Coach about the importance of dealing with all the issues arising from your divorce and how it can impact on future relationships if you don’t. We’re doing this on 11 March 2009. Details at http://tiny.cc/iVNiH The second one will be with Sharon Vickery, founder of ‘Have Fun Finding the One’ and we will be discussing dating after divorce. We haven’t set the date yet but it should be taking place in April.
I’ve written two e-books (‘Managing Money through Divorce, which is for sale on my website and ‘Life after Divorce – Are you Ready to Date again?’ as a thank you for people who join my teleseminars).
I’ve also started writing an e-course about recovering from divorce, which I anticipate releasing in May.
As well as all this I’ve been networking – meeting lots of interesting people and forming alliances and, of course, working with my lovely clients to help them to recover from divorce.
I promise I’ll be writing again soon. In the meantime I’ll post anything I think is interesting from other people. Please feel free to post any questions – I will respond.
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