Divorce: A Chance to Redesign Your Life

When the decree absolute comes through the door do you feel that it’s the ultimate rejection or do you celebrate?

Why not look at Divorce as an opportunity? A chance to redesign your life, to make sure that you are living a life that you love and not just going through the motions.

Make time to really decide what you do and don’t want and then plan the steps you need to take to redesign your life.

The biggest challenge is deciding what you do want. So many people don’t know, maybe you haven’t even thought about it.

Steps to redesigning your life

Set aside a couple of hours, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed and think about what you want your life to be like. Write down all the things you would like to be, do and have. Write everything down, however crazy it may seem.

What did you used to enjoy before you were married? Did you sacrifice any dreams, ambitions or hobbies during your marriage?

Imagine that you are 90 years old, looking back over your life – what memories would you like to have?

What would you like people to be saying about you?

Now think about what steps you could take towards achieving your perfect life. Don’t think that it’s hopeless and you can’t change anything; think about what is stopping you from being, doing and having what you want. By making small changes, going one step at a time and trying different things you can change your life.

Five secrets to creating a life you love

1. Know what you want.

2. Be willing to take action.

3. Believe that there is no failure, only feedback

4. Be willing to try different things, if what you are doing isn’t working then do something different.
5. Be positive and believe that you can create a life you love.

The biggest challenge

The biggest challenge is believing that what you want is possible.

Next steps

Set yourself some goals - some steps you can take towards having the life you want. Small goals are fine – once you have achieved these then you can create some more goals to move you even closer to your ‘life’ goal. The secret is to write the goals down and make sure that you specify when you will achieve them by. As you achieve each goal celebrate your success, and then move on to the next goal.

If at first you don’t succeed………

Hire a Divorce Coach.

A Divorce Coach will:

Listen to you with undivided attention
Help you to clarify what you do want and how to get it
Work with you to challenge and destroy beliefs that are holding you back
Support you
Encourage you
Hold you accountable for attaining your goals

A Divorce Coach will not:

Assume that they ‘know what you mean’
Judge you
Tell you what you should do

After divorce it is important to:

· Believe in yourself

· Let go of regrets and bitterness

· Move forward, make new friends who don’t know your ex.

· Enjoy new experiences

· Live in the present, don’t dwell on the past

· Know your purpose

· Think positively. We attract what we think about so think positive thoughts and attract good things into your life

· Discover your strengths

· Design a new life


These are the things that a Divorce Coach can help you with.

Rebuilding your Life (2)

Dealing with Anger

Have some of these thoughts crossed your mind –

Why did he/she leave me?
How could he/she take away my happiness/home/children/friends?
How dare he/she find happiness without me?

Anger is a normal reaction to divorce. However, it is not a helpful emotion and I thoroughly recommend that you work through it as quickly as possible and start to make a new life for yourself.

What was it about your marriage that made you happy? List the good things about your marriage. If you have your ex partner on your list then take them off. The most important thing to know is that you can’t rely on anyone else for your happiness. It has to come from within. Take the good things about your married life and try and incorporate them in your new life.

Now make a list of all your good qualities (I’m a great one for making lists – they help to clear the mind). List everything that is good about you, both the way you look and your personality, however silly it may seem. Keep the list for a few days and add to it as you think of new things. Then ask your friends and family to add to the list. You’ll be surprised at how other people see you. I recently did this myself and was amazed and flattered at how other people perceive me.

Use the good things that are on your list to write some affirmations (see previous posting).

Now you can build on all these positive things – add qualities that you would like to have and strive to achieve them.

Rebuilding your life (1)

Positive Thinking - Using Affirmations

An Affirmation is simply a statement that is repeated often enough that you believe it with every fibre of your being.

· Your Affirmations must be brief – ideally no more than 20 words.
· Your Affirmations must be written, clearly in your best writing
· Your Affirmations must be written in words you would normally use
· Your Affirmations must be positive
· Your Affirmations must be specific
· Your Affirmations must be about what you DO want, not about what you don’t want
· Your Affirmations must be in the present tense – as if they are already true
· Your Affirmations must be read (aloud if possible) at least four times daily

You need to be alert when you create and repeat your affirmations. If you drive you can record them to play in your car, even if you are totally focussed on driving safely they will still enter your mind at a subliminal level.

The best time of day to read your affirmations is when you get up in the morning. Repeat them again in the middle of the day and again when you finish work, then read them again before you go to bed.

To start with, avoid the temptation to set affirmations for material needs, wants and desires. Instead focus on your quality of life, your beliefs and your feelings.

Examine your feelings and where you find negative thoughts or feelings counter them with positive affirmations. The purpose of examining your feelings is to start creating a life that is free of struggle or emotional upheaval. A life that is full of love, pleasure and fulfilment. When you acquire that life you will have amazing freedom and time to explore options.

You were born with no excess baggage. Everything that you have been, done or acquired since then – good or bad- is of your own will and action. Others may have influenced you but the ultimate responsibility was and is yours. If you need to you CAN change any situation.

Some examples of inspiring affirmations are:

· I accept total responsibility for my life, thoughts and feelings
· I set myself high goals and achieve them
· I look to the future where my expectations are limitless
· I enjoy the beauty of each day
· My needs are met
· I use my skills and talents to the full
· If it is to be, it is up to me
· Every day, in every way, I am better and better